I don't think I'll ever quite be able to communicate to people the extent to which the knowledge of shame overwhelms my remote negotiation with the world. And by that I mean I wake up, head stuffed with thoughts that have recurred so many times they are like the apparition of jousting that I remember from my most fevered spellings. I think the extent of it feeds into my digression, my evasion, my awkwardness - it makes me lose control over the directness of language - and you can well see demonstrated. It's no surprise that this should come at a time when other big thoughts play in me like a big mansion. There's a reason why I'm avoiding watching Deadwood, and why I'm so tempted to got Sports Night crazy again.
Oh and I'm taking back what I said about discussion and technology - after awhile, what this chattering needs to do is shut up. They're squeezing a bit too tight.
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